Why Do Children Get Aggressive? – Being Parents

Children sometimes get aggressive, but why? Many parents wonder what causes this aggression in their children, but the answer may be simpler than you think. Violence in some children is becoming more and more frequent  and it is important to ask what it is due to.

Children can behave aggressively with their parents, siblings, classmates, etc. Before saying that a child is aggressive and responsible for his behavior, it is important to understand the reasons why the little one may have this aggressiveness.

That way, we can help him stop these behaviors. If we know what this aggression is due to, it will be easier to prevent him from turning into an aggressive child.

Why do children become aggressive?

No child is born aggressive: he learns to be so. The good thing is, just as he can learn to be, he can forget about these behaviors. There are different reasons why a child can become violent, and some factors make children more aggressive than others. What are they ?

• Poverty
• See violence on television.
• Play violent video games.
• Having violent and aggressive adults around them.
• Abuse at home, even if the child is just an observer.

The causes why children become aggressive

Behaviors such as hitting, making fun, or using words to hurt others are indicative of childhood aggression. When children persist in using them, they can cause pain in others, in addition to their rejection.

Many experts agree that  frustration facilitates violence and can be the trigger for aggressive behavior  in children. It is normal for a child to behave aggressively at any given time; the problem arises when he does not know how to control this aggressiveness.

Children need their parents to scold them or use words like “calm down” or “don’t do this”. They need the control of their parents; just as they teach them to talk, to walk or to eat,  they also need them to teach them to control their violent behavior. Some reasons that favor the appearance of aggressive behavior can be:

The environment in which they are educated

The environment in which a child grows, is educated and develops is very important. If the little one grows up in a climate of violence, whether at home or in the neighborhood, he will be more likely to behave aggressively.

If their group of friends behaves violently, the child will end up repeating them to be accepted into the group. You have to be very careful and control these aspects to avoid this aggressiveness.

TV or video games

In this age where technology is everywhere and having a great influence on children, it is very important that  parents are in control of what they see or what they play.

Younger children cannot tell the difference between fact and fiction:  if they see violence on television, they may try to imitate it. For example, in a movie where the “good guys” get mean to get what they want, the children, following this idea, can use violence to achieve their ends.

How to prevent children from becoming aggressive?

We often do not know why a child has become aggressive. However, we can develop some strengths that prevent children from becoming violent, such as:

• Spend time with family and friends  who love them.
• Establish standards and discipline that help them know what they can and cannot do.
• Lead by example as parents.
• Teach children to self-regulate.
• Develop the feeling of belonging to a group. 
• Emotional education, empathy and assertiveness.
• Tolerance.
• Bond of attachment with their parents.
• Consciousness.
• Respect for themselves and others.

How to control aggressive behavior in children?

How can we as parents control the aggressive behavior of our children?

Do not respond to aggression with more aggressiveness

Aggressive behavior, like any other behavior, can be learned through imitation or observation of parents. It is therefore very important that  we do not respond to their violent behavior with more violence.

Lead by example because they will relate to others the same way they do to their parents.

If children have a quiet relationship with their parents, they will have that same relationship with their friends  or classmates. On the other hand, if the relationship with their parents is based on violence, it will become their way of being with others.

Maintain balance and consensus between parents

Another important thing to take into account is that we parents  have to agree on how to educate our child not to give him conflicting messages. One of the parents cannot allow him everything while the other does not let him do anything. This, in the end, will upset him and he will end up rebelling with aggressive behavior.

Ultimately, children become aggressive for different reasons and several factors can influence the intensity of this aggression. If our children behave aggressively, we need to think  about what could explain this violence and find a solution.

We are their role models and their guides. They need us to know what is right and wrong. Remember that a child is not born aggressive – it becomes.