Undecided Children: How To Help Them? – Being Parents

During childhood, we could say that it is normal not to know what to do or what to choose. However,  as parents, we need to help children and encourage them to make up their own minds on different topics. In this article, we provide some keys to reacting to undecided children.

Indecision in children

Children under six are often undecided. They can be torn between the choice of one food or another, between a toy or another …

Maybe they prefer toast for breakfast at first, but seeing their sibling eat cereal, they’ll want it too. It is not about envy, or having what the other has, but rather a question of indecision.

In general, parents ask doctors and their friends who have had undecided children. The most common answer is: “But it’s the most normal thing in the world!”.

Indeed, at this age,  they are still developing their personality, their individuality and their sense of identity. In other words, they don’t know exactly what they want and can experience it.

At first, they say yes to something their parents usually choose. But then they realize that they would prefer something else. The child is still too young to know whether a decision is correct or not. Adults should never forget that.

On the other hand, undecided children are not “quibbles” and do not have behavioral problems. They are also not unruly and do not seek the attention of mum or dad. They just don’t know what to choose because they haven’t yet experimented with all the possible variables.

How to help undecided children?

Understanding the situation is the first step in helping undecided children. In other words,  it should be borne in mind that at this age it is difficult to make a choice. Even about things that seem trivial or everyday to us.

However, that does not mean that we have to leave our child for half an hour in front of the ice cream parlor to decide on the flavor he wants to eat. But neither should we insist and ask him to hurry because other people are waiting their turn.

Is it possible to find a happy medium? Of course. The best way to help the child is to allow him to express his opinion and his tastes at any time. For example, on the way to school, let him say what his favorite clothes are, or his favorite color. You will certainly observe that it changes regularly.

Another way to help is to limit the options to choose from. The greater the range of choices available, the more likely it is that the decision will take a long time to be made. Therefore, instead of asking him “W hat do you want to eat? “, You can say to him: “ Today there is pasta or hamburgers, what do you prefer? ”.

In addition, it is better to trust your little one. To do this, don’t make a decision for him just because you’re in a hurry. In the case of the ice cream seller example, as the child cannot make up his mind, you sometimes tell the seller to put a chocolate ball and a strawberry ball ‘because these are the favorite flavors. ‘.

But, instead of doing the child a favor, it hurts him because he will feel that he cannot make a decision on his own. And that, whatever he says, his father or mother will end up choosing for him.

At a young age, this can be detrimental to the development of his personality. In the future, they may be less independent and have difficulty making decisions.

Do children have to decide everything?

A very common question from parents with indecisive children is: What options can I give him to make his own decisions? Of course, you can’t ask a five-year-old basic or mandatory things in life like “where to go to school ?” or “should he eat fruits and vegetables or not?”. This is not debatable for the child and you have to be strict about it.

“Indecisive children are not ‘quibbles’ and do not have behavioral problems. It’s just that they are still too young to know if a decision is good or bad ”.

However,  you may be able to make her choose between two or three clothes for walking around. Or what toys he wants to take on his beach vacation.

Finally, undecided children experience this stage better if they have the support of their parents, their patience and, above all, their affection. It is essential that adults encourage their little ones to make choices for themselves. Even if it is for us “details” or “trifles”, for the child it is a great achievement which allows them to increase their self-esteem.