The Importance Of Grief After An Abortion – Being Parents
The loss of an unborn child is one of the most painful situations a woman can experience. Grief after an abortion is fundamental to integrate the event and ensure that its psychological consequences do not worsen over time.
Abortion: a taboo subject
For some reason, in today’s society we continue to surround gestational loss with a wall of silence. Unfortunately, abortion is a very common occurrence, affecting one in four pregnancies. However, women who have suffered from it (and their loved ones) often hide it.
So, when a woman is faced with an event of such gravity, she does not find any close references that she could relate to. She begins to think that there is something wrong with her and decides, once again, to shut up, thus prolonging the vicious cycle.
The situation does not improve for women who have an induced abortion because, in addition to the above, their decision is often criminalized.
Physical and psychological impact
Abortion means facing huge changes in a short period of time, changes that cannot be prepared for. First of all, the woman has to deal with the physical impact whereby her body will experience great hormonal variations and their associated unpleasant symptoms.
On the psychological level, and although it is a rather frequent reality, the effects of an abortion are devastating. With the death of the child, sleep also dies, along with all the expectations that we had placed in this new life. We do not only lose the being who germinated in us, we also lose our role as mother and all the social construction that we had generated around him.
Grief after an abortion
Abortion constitutes a total loss and, as such, it is necessary to develop a mourning in order to integrate it healthily into our vital trajectory.
Despite the social underestimation of gestational loss, it is important for parents (and especially the mother) to be aware that they are facing a difficult period that they will have to go through as consciously as possible.
Faced with this pain, many women opt for quick outcomes . For example, getting pregnant again right away or trying to deny the loss completely. Far from facilitating the process, the refusal to go through the pain will only make it chronic and the consequences will continue to affect us for many years to come.
The emotions of mourning
The duel will be imbued with many emotions:
- Guilt. It is one of the most common feelings that accompany abortion. The mother, in her attempt to figure out what happened, may blame herself for not taking sufficient care of herself.
- Feelings of inferiority and failure. Due to the wall of silence that surrounds her, the mother may feel less able and less valuable than other women because she has not been able to carry the pregnancy to term.
- Sadness, loneliness and incomprehension. It is very likely that people in the immediate environment do not know how to react appropriately. In their desire to encourage the loved one, they may try to downplay the importance of the issue, which makes the woman feel even more alone in her pain.
- Anguish and anxiety. After an experience of this intensity, the fear of having an abortion again is recurrent, as is the fear of not being able to get pregnant again.
How to mourn after an abortion?
- Allow yourself to suffer for as long as you need to. Despite the fact that your surroundings may not understand it, it is essential that you allow yourself to experience all the emotions that this process involves.
- Don’t try to suppress the pain. Don’t rush into a new pregnancy or compulsively occupy your mind with other topics.
- Express yourself. Talk to your loved ones, your partner, or a support group where you can share your feelings.
- Perform a farewell ritual. You may not be able to organize a typical funeral, but it is important to give a symbolic farewell. Also, naming the unborn child can help you give it a place in your life.
- Remember that each person has their own time and grieving is not a linear process. There will be ups and downs, and that’s perfectly normal.
- Finally, if after a while you feel that you are not moving emotionally or that you are not able to do it on your own, do not hesitate to seek professional help.
