Hyper-attachment In Children: What To Do? – Being Parents

Being alone with mom can be a very precious thing to keep. But it can also be a problem when she has to resume her daily activities.

Hyper-attachment in children is most common when they are young, but you need to take action to get the child to be willing to spend time with other people. In this article, we will tell you all about this very characteristic behavior.

Childhood hyper-attachment: what is it?

In reality, the word “hyper-attachment” is not a medical term but the term used when a child is too close to its mother.

This behavior is often accompanied by cries, whims or even a categorical refusal to stay with the grandparents, that his father watches him or bathes him or that the mother is absent for a few minutes.

When they are little they just want to be in the mother’s arms, when they grow up a little more they will say “mom” before every situation. Later, when they are older, they will ask for an “I want mom”.

This excessive attachment and incessant claiming can cause some problems. The mother must be 100% dedicated to the child and no one can “support” her in education.

It is true that babies do not know how to fend for themselves and that they need their mother for everything. It is the main source of food and care. This is why, it is normal that they choose her rather than any other member of the family or the friends.

However, as the child grows, the father, uncles and aunts, grandparents, siblings etc. can also meet its needs.

For example, they can change their diapers, wash them, put them to bed or even play with them for a while in the garden.

Now what happens when all of these chores have to be done at all costs by the mother to avoid crying fits and desperate screams from the child ?

Hyper-attachment is then evoked. It is an exacerbated attachment linked to the changes that the little one will undergo to become more and more independent.

Hyper-attachment in children: causes and symptoms

Many people think that hyper-attachment in childhood is due to the fact that the mother did not know how to “detach” enough from the child and did not allow the father or another member of the family. family to take care of him.

However, this is far from the case. There are other factors that can trigger this such as:

1. The anxiety of learning

Whenever the child is learning something important, he experiences a great moment of anguish. For example, when he is learning to walk alone or to speak. For this reason, he wants to be with his mother who will bring him calm and a sense of security.

2. Exploring the environment

Until 10 months, children are not aware of what is going on around them. However, after this step, they can recognize familiar people. When they see that these people are leaving, they cry because they believe that they will never come back.

3. Big changes

We are referring here to the great internal changes but also to the circumstances that surround him in his daily life.

This can be the case of the start of life at the nursery, a move, a trip or the death of a family member. All these reasons lead to a feeling of insecurity.

4. The Oedipus complex

Hyper-attachment in children is also linked to what in psychology is called the “Oedipus complex”. This Freudian theory assures that the child is in love with the mother and considers the father as an enemy.

In the case of the daughters, the Electra complex, one assumes an idealization of the father as well as a permanent conflict with the mother.

How to identify hyper-attachment in children?

How do you know if your child has hyper-attachment? It’s quite simple, since habits and behaviors are generally quite precise and insistent:

• He calls you every two minutes and calls you during the night
• He only wants mom to feed him, dress him, play and put him to bed
• The child cries when he no longer sees the mother
• It is constantly hanging from your legs when you are doing other things (eg when cooking)
• He does not want to interact with other children if the mother is not there
• The child shows exaggerated jealousy if you give attention to another child

Is it possible to prevent hyper-attachment in children? The first thing to do is to identify the reason for the child to do so. In most cases it is a passing situation that can be overcome by arming yourself with patience.

In conclusion, you must remember that it is you who decides who does what at home. You should not leave your work or personal well-being aside for the baby or child to stop crying.

Little by little, he will calm down and accept that the grandmother or the daddy take charge of giving him the bath.