How To Deal With Resentment In Siblings? – Being Parents
Brothers and sisters always have differences and therefore resentment, as couples sometimes have or human beings in general. The key to solving these problems is the quality of communication within the family.
Communication must be open, sincere and respectful between all members of the family. They must always be able to express themselves under the same conditions. Thus, your children will feel listened to, loved and valued.
Where does the resentment come from in the siblings?
There are many reasons for this situation. However, New York psychotherapist Jeanne Safer explains that there are two personality types that are more likely to take offense.
Indeed, as Ms. Safer asserts, these are the people who are too hostile and those who only complain. She adds: “These are the ones who say: you never said thank you for the flowers I gave you in 1982. It exhausts people.”
This article from Psychology Today also explains that evolution is another reason why resentment arises in siblings.
This is justified with the following argument: siblings are programmed to be rivals and to compete for one of the most crucial resources in life, namely parental attention.
The question is precisely on this point: in the treatment and attention that parents give to their children. Being fair and balanced will make the difference.
Strategies for dealing with resentment between siblings
Fair treatment
It is normal for parents to feel more affinities with one child than with the other. However, the secret to managing and avoiding sibling resentment is to make children feel that their needs are taken care of and that they are not discriminated against.
Everyone in the family needs to feel that they are receiving the same amount and quality of attention and that they are given the same affection.
Fair rules
The rules in the house should be clear to everyone. Punishments and discipline should be the same for anyone who breaks the rules.
Ideally, there is a balance between the father and the mother and they decide together how to punish the children in case of stupidity.
Both will have to vouch for these rules to be applied as fairly as possible.
Avoid making comparisons
As with the rest of the world, children don’t like to be compared to their siblings or other children. Therefore, avoid comparing your children as much as possible.
All children are different. Although some parents sometimes want to point out the good or bad qualities of one of their children so that others learn, you have to choose your words carefully.
You must take into account that children are very sensitive and that they can misinterpret certain things coming from their parents or those around them. This misinterpretation can be a source of resentment among siblings.
Share with all your children
Try to give each of your children the same amount and quality of time.
It’s a good thing that you share time with each of them individually, but also all together. Choose an activity that they can do and enjoy together.
Pay attention to your children’s stages
Often, parents do not realize that there is resentment among siblings. But this situation is clear when children cannot resolve their differences in a healthy way.
If this is happening in your family, you should take into account that in large families it is normal for children to compete for parental attention.
In addition, at certain ages, children are often jealous. One of these age groups is between 6 and 7 years old, when the child begins to become independent and to form a personality.
At this age, it is essential that you show your child that you love them. If you have a child this age, make it clear and not overdone that he can trust you.
One of the other difficult times is adolescence. So you have to be close to them and pay attention to their emotions at that time.
In general, paying attention to your children’s emotions and establishing open and sincere communication with them creates a pleasant atmosphere for all members of the family.
