5 Keys To Understanding How Children Feel – Being Parents

It is not always easy to understand how children feel. When we try to do this, we have to take into account different factors. For example, their age, their temperament, their way of being, their fears, the relationship we have with them, the bond established, the tools we use, etc.

We must therefore adapt to the age and time of development of our child. In the following lines, we have differentiated two important evolutionary stages. The first concerns children aged 3 to 6 and the second concerns children aged 6 to 11. This will allow us to know which aspects to take into account when dealing with children and, by extension, to understand them.

Finally, we are going to think about 5 key ideas to understand how they are feeling. Through them, we can gradually work on the link and encourage them to open up to us. We will also learn to actively listen to them, observe them and analyze what can happen to them, for better or for worse.

What children aged 3 to 6 feel

Between 3 and 6 years old, it is the ideal age to use the game as a means of access to the world of children. Beyond play, stories and symbolic games are useful resources for working with them and showing empathy. Indeed, they are precious tools that symbolize the reality of the child. Through these games and stories, children can understand many situations in life.

That is to say that through these tools, children reason, understand and express their inner world. In reality, they are immersed in the egocentric phase, according to Piaget. This is the stage where symbolic thought begins to be acquired.

To enter this world, we can actively participate and join them when they play and when they draw. But it is also by reading tales and stories to them and by asking them questions that we can better understand our children.

It is also a good opportunity to have fun times with them. Through these good times of sharing, we can also work on values ​​and, ultimately, understand how they feel.

Positive reinforcement is also important at this stage: children grow up and define themselves, even if they are small. Thus, strengthening their progress, learning and good behavior will help them in their development.

In addition, this technique will allow us to strengthen the bond with them. It is also a good time to give them autonomy and responsibilities. Through them, you can access what they are feeling.

What children aged 6 to 11 feel

When they are a little older, children change their type of play. However, they still continue to discover new things every day. Socialization is very important at this stage. Indeed, they care a lot about what other people think of them.

It’s a good time to take care of their self-esteem, to answer their questions (there are usually many), and to continue to encourage their independence.

At this point, we can begin to probe their feelings in a more direct (but not intrusive) way. For example, we can ask them how they are doing, how they feel, what they need, etc.

Positive discipline is a good tool to educate them and to bond with them. Thus, standards and rules provide them with security and teach them to know limits, while respecting their own autonomy.

On the other hand, at this stage, according to Piaget, we must help them improve their reversible thinking. That is to say, to strengthen their capacity for logic and reasoning. By working on these aspects, it is also possible to understand how our child is feeling. Learning to reason about emotions can often help identify and understand them.

5 keys to understanding how children feel

We have distinguished two stages of development which are important in understanding how children feel. So, at each stage, it will be important to prioritize some aspects or others. However, there are some common resources that we can use generically when it comes to understanding children. We suggest the following:

• Active listening : this is the key tool for getting in touch with people. Listening, getting involved and doing it with all our senses awake will allow us to understand what is happening to the child. In turn, this will allow him to express himself with confidence when he needs it.
• Observation : Observation is essential for understanding not only children but also people in general. Look at their behavior, their gestures, their words, their mood… There is a lot of relevant information there.
• The creation of a bond : to be able to understand a child, it is essential to work beforehand on the bond that we have with him. This will allow us to improve their confidence in us. In addition, confidence will be installed if later, something worries them; so they can come and see us to talk about it.

• Dialogue / questions : asking, talking, talking…, are essential tools for knowing what children are feeling. When they are younger, we need to prioritize closed questions and then open them up as they grow older.
• Encourage patience : Often children, when they are young, have fears or insecurities that prevent them from expressing what they are feeling. We must therefore be patient; the time will come when they can tell us what is happening to them. Otherwise, we’ll continue to work on the link to make it happen.

Conclusion

Helping a child (or our child) to understand what he is feeling is, in turn, a way to help him in his development. This is why emotional education is so important, from early childhood. So, as writer Astrid Lindgren, creator of Pippi Longstocking’s character, said, “If I could brighten up one sad childhood, I’m satisfied”.